


The heart of things

by AvaDiablo



Series: Arashi fanfic exchanges [2]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Cooking, Depression, Despair, Fic Exchange, Heavy Angst, Love at First Sight, Love/Hate, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Trust Issues, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 03:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8827897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaDiablo/pseuds/AvaDiablo
Summary: Ohno Satoshi has a gift in cooking. When he's happy the people who eat his food feel happy, but when he's sad they will experience his sadness. On a faithful day in autumn Ohno meets Aiba and falls in love for the very first time. He has a shot to happiness that none of his brothers have. His mother however, who is a controlling woman, doesn't approve and comes with a plan to keep Ohno by her side. A plan that has consequences for all involved.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I need to warn you that this is a very dark tale. 
> 
> It's written under pressure, while I am fighting depression. I entered the exchange without knowing how bad it would hit me a month later. I've had many people cheering me on, to keep writing. But in the end, I am still doubting that this was the right thing to do - or maybe it should have been better to drop out and leave the recipient without a story... Well, anyway, I tried, it happened.
> 
> So, don't say I didn't warn you.

Their mother didn’t allow much. There wasn’t much fun to be had, unless they made it happen themselves. Ohno kept himself busy with the kitchen chores and stayed far away from his mother as he could. Even as a kid he was always singing around the house, and making the family meals. He did this together with the maid; some old bat who went by the name of Ann, and who was according to Ohno a sheer genius in their little hide away. He would watch her prep the meals until he was old enough to stand by her side and truly help. Cooking turned into a thing of passion. The meals always tended to satisfy everyone who tasted from them. Which was a joy to see. And every night Ohno would praise the old woman for the food.

Ann thanked him in return, with that special grin of hers that was always just meant for him. And he would glow from it. Ohno was part of a small family without a father; their mother who had some fortune, would manage to make ends meet every month. He had two younger brothers to look after as well. But the older Ohno became the more he started questioning just how she was holding things together. It was a frequent thing of argument between them, often resulting in a slap from his mom to mind his own damn business.

There little farm was run by the four of them. The brothers shared a room; they were close - maybe closer than brothers normally were. But they were all they had. All that kept them happy while living under the rule of their mother.

She was a controlling woman, one who kept mostly to herself, but was very protective of her possessions and of her sons. There was no straying from the path she had set for them. And marriage wasn’t one of them - for who would take care of her when they were all gone away?

Ohno hadn’t thought of marriage, let alone think or dream of love. They lived in the middle of nowhere on the edge of a town where little people still lived. But this farm was theirs, and a good farm is still was. It was nearing harvest season when a carriage strolled into their small speck of land. Ohno was picking up the stray peaches from the ground when the horses pulling the carriage came to a stop. 

A man stepped out with a youngman roughly his age. His mother came out and the man entered. The son stayed as, presumably been told to wait. As he looked around he spotted Ohno sitting on his knees below the peach trees. Ohno waved, because, well, what else was he supposed to do. He went back to work, knowing his mother wouldn’t like the delay in their chores.

“Hi. Need some help?”  
Without waiting for an answer he sat down and started collecting the peaches at his side of the basket.  
“Eh, sure.” Ohno looked down after meeting a pair of curious eyes and a smile that would make the sun envious in warmth. Even after those few seconds - Ohno knew he was in trouble. The roughly combed fuzzy hair, the glance of friendliness, the smile, even his scent was fated to last in Ohno’s mind as the wind gently helped the stray emotions Ohno was having. As they reached for the same peach, be it on purpose or not, their touch, the quick brush of fingers, sealed the deal. There was no choice but to look up and meet those eyes. 

“I’m Aiba Masaki,” the young man said smiling and not removing his hand from Ohno’s who was still holding the peach. Ohno knew Aiba must feel how much he was trembling though.  
“I’m Ohno Satoshi. Pleased to make your acquaintance.” He was taken in by the soft look that appeared in Aiba’s eyes as he told him his name.  
“Do you work here?”  
Ohno shook his head and smiled. Aiba let go as ohno pulled his hand back. “I’m the oldest son.” There was a blush spreading. “I should get these inside, now. I’m making peach cream pie this evening.” He had no idea why he was saying that, blushed heavily at the weird sound of his voice.  
“You cook?" Masaki asked, more rethorecal than anything else, "That’s nice. I can cook a little, but I guess nothing like peach cream pie.”

He followed Ohno back to the farm and into the kitchen. Ohno introduced the guy to Ann who blatantly checked him out. Ohno rolled his eyes at her. He could hear his mother's footsteps before he could say something.  
“Satoshi! Where did you ... Why is he here?”  
“Mom, this is -”  
“I know who he is. Aiba-kun, your father is waiting for you by the carriage. Come along, I’ll walk you out.” She sounded friendly enough, but the glance she cast Ohno was not all that friendly. It told him to stay away from him.  
"Bye Satoshi. I hope we meet again!" The cheerful voice made Ohno smile.  
“That doesn’t bode well, young master,” Ann remarked when his mother had taken Aiba away. Ohno agreed. Butat least Aiba seemed unaware of the hard look his mother held in her eyes.

The peach cream pie was made with Aiba Masaki lingering on his mind. The bitter sweet feeling Of him being whisked away, the fluttering of his heart when he thought of Aiba's smile; the forbidden edge of it was tangible in the sweet dish. Nino, Ohno’s second to youngest half brother, was smirking with every bite, like he was reminiscing about a love of his own as he ate. His gaze lay somewhere in the distance, a red colour grazed his cheeks. Jun, Ohno’s youngest half brother, was not as much impressed. Ohno suspected it was because Jun hadn’t experienced love before. It also made him curious to what Nino was hiding.  
Ohno’s mother seemed to struggle with some inner turmoil as she seemed reluctant to keep eating, but couldn’t quite turn the dish down. Ann grinned from the kitchen. When ever Ohno had strong emotions, for some unknown reason he tranfered them to the food he was making. 

After the innitial meeting Aiba and Ohno kept running into each other. Dating seemed the next logical thing as they like eacho other. Ohno would find the time to travel to town and meet up. They were seen in the park, or doing shopping, holding hands. They seem to be in love and getting very much attached to each other. Ohno’s mother however didn’t really allow it.  
“Ohno-kun,” she would often try to pursuade him, “You won’t leave me all by myself, would you?” or “He is not meant for you, you know that, right?” To which Ohno would nod to just please his mum. But he would sooner die than give up this love.

Ever so often Aiba would come to the house with his dad, and Aiba and Ohno would take walks through the hills or through the farm lands. But even after a few months, they had never crossed the line of kissing. Other than small pecks on cheeks it never went.

Ohno wanted to wait, And Aiba - being the gentleman he was - had no objects. So it came to pass, that Aiba came by with his father unannounced one afternoon. Ohno’s mother who had been peeling potatoes with her sons in the kitchen looked directly at Ohno.  
“Is this your doing?" she questioned icily, "You know how I hate it when people show up unannounced.” Ohno shook his head, his longish hair danced a little with the movement. Nino looked at him in return, leaned forward and grabbed his hand, sharing a smile that only a secret between siblings could entice. Jun hummed contently a small bit of the wedding march.  
“Tease,” breathed Ohno breathless from excitement.  
“You’d be so happy, Satoshi! I’m hoping you can get married and have all you desire.” Nino nodded to Jun’s words. Nino opted that he would have to go wedding present shopping, something Jun looked forward to. He named a lot of things Ohno had no use for. The three of them giggled as the presents got absurder in origin and size. One more extravagant and pointless than the previous. They went back to peeling, even if they couldn’t concentrate all that much, until their mother returned with Aiba in tow.

Ohno stood up, smiling brightly as his mother made the announcement. “Tonight we will feast and toast to the wedding announcement, “ she halted there and the brothers made sounds of joy, “of Ohno’s youngest brother, Jun. I take it that Satoshi will make us a grand dinner to celebrate the occasion.” The instant silence hung in the air, filled with confused looks.  
“What?” Ohno’s voice was barely audible.  
“Aiba-kun has agreed to marry Jun,” his mother said matter of factly.  
“What?” Ohno just couldn’t believe this. This had to be a mistake - a prank his mother was playing. His gaze shifting between his mother and Aiba who didn’t say a word and avoided looking back. What had happened?  
“Jun, come with us. We need to discuss the details of your wedding.”

After Jun threw Ohno an apologetic glance he left the kitchen with his mom and Aiba. Nino was instantly by his side, hugging him very tightly. Ohno kept mentioning a mantra of disbelief of “What happened?” swapped with, “Am I dreaming?” Nino didn’t know how to react, just kept his arms around his brother, holding on tightly, as Ohno fought to hide his tears, but lost to his sorrow in the end.

“Stop crying like a little girl,” he mom chastised when she got back to the kitchen. The wedding is set in two weeks. You’ll make the wedding cake. Be sure to make it a good one. Nino will help with decoration.” Jun stayed behind with his brothers when their mom left.  
“I’m sorry, Satoshi.” It only succeeded in making Ohno’s sobs worse. There was a powerful glance in Nino’s eyes, one that was hard. One that told Jun that Nino knew he could have refused to union. And that he didn’t. That he probably didn’t even put up a fight.

The brotherly bond, that they’ve always had, dissipated somewhat. Jun was sure that Nino hadn’t told Ohno as much, but Ohno kept his distance from then on. Jun reminded him of what he had lost. And even if Aiba had wanted to talk to him after what had happened; he kept refusing to talk to him. As if things couldn’t be worse enough already, the announcement came that Aiba would move in and help around the farm as well. With that prospect, Ohno couldn't be around Jun at all. He moved out of their joined bedroom and since Aiba would often show up Ohno didn’t want to feel like dying every time he laid eyes on him. 

There was no stopping the wedding. And it wasn't for lack of trying. But their mother's iron will was set in stone and she would not be moved. As preperations started, Ohno hid most of the time with Ann in the kitchen. The last part that needed to be fixed was the wedding cake. Nino and Ohno were slaving away, with Ann guiding the process of cooking and baking the wedding feast. The three of them were stirring the batter in the big pot, filling the cake mold as they went and baked different layers. After their mother had turned in for the night, Ann told the boys to go to bed as well. Ohno didn’t respond; he just stared into the batter with quiet tears rolling down into the mixture.  
“My dear boy, you shouldn’t cry into the batter! You’ll mess up the taste!” But the tears kept coming. “This is the last time I will cry,” he told them as he tried wiping them away. “I swear the last time. I know I've lost him, And I know he will make Jun happy. That should be enough for me.” It didn’t sound like he believed it. Ann send them to bed any way.

Nino followed Ohno to his room. “If you want I’ll sleep here tonight. You don’t have to face the night alone.” Ohno agreed, welcoming the warmth he would find being near his brother. Though, in the end, he couldn’t sleep. He woke up so often that it was near impossible to say he had been sleeping at all. He roamed through his small bed room, Mind wondering and going around in and endless circle of 'what if', staring out at the drying grasslands that were the farm.

He spotted Aiba outside. He carefully stayed out of sight while spying on his lost love. It didn’t look to him that Aiba was overjoyed with the wedding in the morning. The love of his life stood still gazing over the grass lands and hills in the distance. Once in a while Ohno saw him glancing up to the window of his room and he backed away, even if he knew Aiba couldn't possibly have seen him.

He fought the impulse to go out and check up on him. After all, Aiba had made his bed and he should sleep in it. But from there, the thought of him sleeping with Jun hurt. It hurt a lot. It was the kind of hurt that grips you by the throat and makes it near impossible to breathe. It caused a cold feeling in his heart; like his heart was being ripped out and there was nothing that could fill the space it left.  
“Satoshi.” His name came softly from the bed. Nino reached for him, hugging him when he gave in to being consoled by the only brother who was on his side. “Come back to bed. Leave him be.” Words that ached. Could he ever just 'leave it be'?

The next morning was all about getting things ready. Ohno didn’t have to go out of his way to avoid the happy couple; they were busy with getting themselves ready, looking all presentable. The guests poured in by the afternoon, the ceremony was short and left Ohno with a dreadful feeling of emptiness. Nino had been standing alongside him all afternoon. They sat together at the table where the guest would eat and praise the food. The wedding cake was brought out. But To Ohno it was too much. He excused himself from the table. 

There was a brief whisper at the table as Ohno disappeared into the house. One that had been going around for a while. Ohno that told Nino every one knew about Aiba and Ohno, and apparently everyone had counted on them being married, instead of Jun and Aiba. There was no avoiding that. And it didn't help Ohno's situation at all.

The cake was served; a toast was made, happy smiles exchanged, followed by a kiss. Ohno's stomach turned. As the guest dug into their fair share of wedding cake bliss, the atmosphere changed. Nino couldn’t tell what happened, but after eating a few bites he felt a painful stab right inside his heart. The more he ate, the more sad he began to feel. He realised he wasn’t the only one when there were sounds of sobbing coming from various guests. In a matter of minutes the table was in tears, but it didn’t stop there. Nino felt the flair of bile rise in his throat. He hurried to the bathroom to adhere the urge to empty his stomach. 

When he returned he saw most of the guests emptying theirs in the river that flowed a little down hill. It was a marvelous sight to behold, Nino grinned to himself. There was something powerful in Ohno's cooking. He wondered if he could actually kill with his cooking.  
Ohno was in the kitchen tending to Ann who lay on the floor, clutching her stomach. White foam kept streaming from her mouth. “It was for you. I did it for you!”  
Nino sat by their side looking from one to the other, wondering what she meant.  
“Silly old woman,” Ohno said in response. His tone affectionate, but spike with sorry as he held her hand. "Why did you eat the cake if you knew it was poisoned?" There never came an answer.  
In the end Ann died, marking it as the saddest day in Ohno’s life. How was he supposed to keep going when everything in his life ended the way it did? 

With Jun married to Aiba, Jun moved out of the brother's bedroom. But instead of Ohno moving back in, Nino to Ohno's. He prefered that to having a room of his own. Besides, he didn’t want to risc listening in to the newly wed’s first night together.

Jun and Aiba both had to suffer the effects of Ohno’s wedding cake, which was a blessing for Aiba more than a curse. Jun lay in bed, nearly undressed, ready for their night. He had a frustrated look on his face.  
“But I’m feeling fine, Masaki.” Aiba shook his head. Jun had this longing look, laced with astonishment.  
“It’s better to wait until we are both sure we are. What if we are still under the effect of things? I don’t want to risk getting sick again. Let’s just wait until tomorrow.” He was lying. Jun knew he was lying. Even married to Aiba, Aiba would never be his. He got that. But this marriage was his future now. And it brought out the competitor in him. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his brother - because he did and it was awful what was done to him - but damn it if Jun didn’t deserve to be happy as well. And he was going to make this work - whether Aiba wanted it to work or not.

With the wedding over and done with, life at the farm began again. With the extra help in the form of Aiba, you’d think everything would be less workwise. Their mother found more things around the farm for them to do. Ohno tried his best to avoid the happy couple. Nino told him their happiness wouldn't last; that after a full month their marriage had in fact not been consummated. It didn’t really land with Ohno what that would mean. Nino was all too happy to explain.

Somewhere in their second month, when Ohno was hanging the linen to dry in the late august sun, Aiba found him to be alone.  
“We need to talk,” Aiba said, following Ohno around. Ohno kept moving away from him.  
“We have nothing to talk about.”  
“Satoshi, please listen to me!” Aiba grabbed Ohno by wrist and refused to let go, even going as far as to push him against the wall of the shed they were passing.  
“Listen to me! I only agreed to marry Jun for one reason. And one reason only! And that's to be near you! It's the only way to be near you!” Ohno frowned.  
“What does that even mean? How - “  
“If I didn’t, I would never see you again! Don’t you get it? When they told me I couldn’t marry you... I was desperate! Satoshi, I agreed it to be close to you, to stay close to you... Because even married to Jun, in the end, I will always be yours! I will always love you.”

Aiba’s proclamation caused Ohno’s tears to spill, which made Aiba smile. He leaned his head against Ohno’s, feeling the kindred spirit between them, before claiming his lips in a kiss. It was their first ever. Ohno would remember the sweet taste of Aiba for years to come - or so he could easily believe. The feeling of being close, pressed against the wood of the shed, covered with aiba’s body. He didn’t know how to react, couldn’t do anything as Aiba kissed him again and again until He heard Jun’s voice call out for him, and Ohno’s mother for Satoshi.  
They smiled as they parted.

It was their secret. But knowing his mother Ohno pretended to be indifferent. But as it is so often with mothers in general; it’s hard to fool them. Time and time again she would barge into Ohno’s room, or where he just happened to have chores, telling him he was forbidden to talk to him, or even lay eyes on him. Which was hard, because Aiba sure as hell didn’t give in to those demands. On one day in November Aiba presented Ohno with a few rozes he had bought. To make matters worse, he had the audacity to give them to Ohno in front of the whole family.  
It made Ohno over the moon happy, but it stung Jun in a way that angered him; because Aiba had not even tried remember his birthday in August. But he knew Ohno's by heart. Jun swore he would take revenge, because whether or not Aiba knew it; he belonged to Jun now! And he hadn't seen the full effect of a jealous Jun.

His mother ordered Ohno to throw the flowers in the trash. Ohno didn’t refuse, since under the strict rule of his mother he didn’t really have a choice, but Nino took them before Ohno could throw them out. He took the petals from the stems, telling his brother: "There must be a way to make better use of it. Doesn’t Ann keep a cookbook? Maybe there is something in there with flowers? It would be the perfect kind of makeing use of your present.” It seemed so far fetched, but still better than throwing them out. And he would not waste the flowers that way. He could pour all his love into this one dish he would make in honour of his love for Aiba, as he still dared to show him his - even if he was married to Jun. 

Ann’s cookbook had a collection of dishes with things Ohno wouldn’t eat Nor cook normally. He found a recipe that could work; Qual in Rose-petal sauce. So he ground the petals into a pulp, added herbs with a bit of oil; making a sweet marinade that made the kitchen seem so much more of a better place than it had been. Nino and Ohno went out to hunt down the quals they had at the back of the farm; he served them with the sweetend red sauce and mashed potatoes. All the while, while cooking Aiba had stayed on his mind.

When Nino and Ohno served dinner; the smiles being silent witnesses to the looks that were thrown by Jun and their mother observing the meal. His mother looked seriously displeased. Aiba was the only one at the table looking with enthusiasm at the result. Nino was the first to dig in as he got himself seated, then Aiba. They hummed their appreciation from the get go. Ohno and his mom started their meal. He could feel the full effect in the pit of his stomach as butterflies seem to soar to the sky. His heart was singing and he couldn’t keep from looking to Aiba. A gaze full of love, one that got returned a thousand fold. 

After a few tiny bites, Jun excused himself from the table, throwing his fork on his plate. The displeased face of their mother following him out of the room and landing on Ohno.  
“I told you to keep your distance. Are you that set on defying me?” 

Aiba and Nino kept praising the food. A healthy glow appeared on both, Nino making soft noises of pleasure as he went for seconds. The meal had the effect of a more than just love. It was more profound and so deep that words could quite capture it. The hums at the table increased, a silence washing over them, But to Nino it felt weird to be around the two desperate love struck people. With a high colour he excuses himself, the look in his eyes feverish and Ohno smiled as he knew what was happening to his younger brother.

A small while later after cleaning up he heard the skrill voice of Jun complaining to his husband, and the sweet sounds of pleasure coming from Nino’s room as he wandered outside their house. The evening sun warming his heart, giving him the courage he lacked. The more he listened to their voices, the more he felt like this would turn out right. Jun could fight what was coming, but with Aiba’s love by his side Ohno would make plenty more meals like this one. And Jun couldn’t keep denying they belonged together. And Nino would reach new heights every time after dinner, he smirked, as he listened in while the sun warmed his face. 

The next morning however the house was already in commotion before the sun got up. Jun and Aiba were leaving. His mother had arrange for that, but how the two brothers didn’t know. Aiba tried to reason with Jun and his mother in law, but was painfully ignored as the two packed their stuff. Aiba longed to catch a hold off Ohno, but he wasn’t allowed to leave the room, nor was Ohno allowed to enter it. Nino was torn as he tried reasoning as well, more to Jun than o his mother, but to no avail. Jun swore he had no brothers as Nino had taken Ohno side. The bickering grew worse until Jun and Nino actually got into a physical fight. It was then that Ohno saw that Jun had actually fallen in love with Aiba as well.

It hurt. Jun didn’t bid them farewell; Ohno didn’t send them off smiling. They stood there watching; Nino flipping his finger to the carriage as it was leaving.  
“You better start thinking about breakfast, while we are up. There is plenty to be done now that the two of them are gone.” The smuck iciness in her voice as their mother walked away was delivering the blow Ohno couldnt handle. She hissed over her shoulder: “It’s your own damn fault. I told you not to defy me!”

Needless to say, breakfast was a disaster. Nino didn’t know what had happened to the bread, but his heart felt like it shattered, releasing a wave of pain and grief he could barely control. Ohno stayed at the table with quiet tears running over his face long after Nino and their mother were gone. He was banned from cooking from then on. Ohno didn’t mind. He didn’t do his chores after that, had lost the will to do anything. Lost the will to breathe.

His heart was broken and he had no way of it to be repaired. He stopped eating little by little, locking himself away, until one morning he was nowhere to be found. Nino sought the farm, the lands, even venturing to town. But no one had seen his brother. It was troubling to realise that Ohno could have just taken off and found a place to ... well, end things.  
A week had gone by when Nino noticed something strange in the old attic. It could only to be reached from the outside. They hadn’t used it in years. It was home to pigeons, rats and other critters Nino could really care about. But the pigeons didn’t go in this time, they stayed on the roof as if something scared them or prevented them from entering. Some had blooded feathers and beaks, making Nino more upset as minutes ticked by, realising what that couls mean. Climbing up there was no easy matter. Their roof wasn’t quite stable, the roof tiles slippery, making Nino loose his hold a bunch of times - nearly dropping to the ground

When he reached the attic, the inside was covered with feathers, pigeon poop, rat droppings. The smell coming from it was horrendous and nearly made Nino throw up. There was no way -  
His heart stopped as he hurried over to the lifeless body hidden in the back. The small but bright rays of sunlight shone upon the bluish cold skin. Ohno’s body was covered in scratches and bloody wounds cause by the vermin roaming the place and Nino feared his brother might have died. Died of a broken heart. And he would never ever let his mother forget she had ripped his entire family apart in the course of a year.

The small cough, exiting Ohno mouth as Nino hugged him tightly, held his lifeless body close to his, startled him.  
“Are you alive? Satoshi! Are you really alive?” Nino kept hugging him, “You are alive, really alive!” Tears ran as he called out for help. 

After that Nino had no choice but to say goodbye to his oldest brother as well. As they had managed to get Ohno from the attic with the help of some people and a doctor from town, it became clear that Ohno’s situation was very precarious. That he needed space and time to heal, mostly to heal his broken spirit. And thus Nino stayed with his mother at the farm, now just the two of them, while Ohno was taken away by the doctor who promised to take good care of him.

The road to the doctor’s house was in pure silence. Not because Ohno had nothing to say - which he didn’t - but he was still out of it. He didn’t want to live, didn’t want to really die. He didn’t want to feel; feel that his life had amounted to this big heap of pure sadness and desperation. As he was still alive, he vowed never to speak again. It was the only thing he could come up with the shield himself from the pain they caused. 

He didn’t watch the road, even though his eyes were open, didn’t register they were passing the town driving further and further away until there was nothing but lush trees, grass and solid ground beneath the hooves of the horse pulling their wagon. Ohno didn’t have much stuff, so there was little that was packed for him. 

The doctor took his hand as he let Ohno climb down and take in his new surroundings. There were a woman and kid standing in front.  
“This is Anna and her daughter Christin. They are American. I am Sakurai Sho, by the way, doctor and inventor extrodinair!" He smiled warmly as the doctor gestured to the house in welcome, "At your service. This is my house. Do you like it? I hope you do, because you'll be staying here for a while.”  
Ohno just gave a nod, looking at the sturdy looking house, which to him looked like something out of a weird fairytale book. It looked like a mansion, all made of brick with no wood. It would stand storms and nothing could break it down. Ohno became a mess inside just like that. Because this house which was so strong looking would surely protect him and keep him safe. It was something he longed for so badly.

Sakurai showed him in, followed by Anna and her daughter who looked not a day over ten. Anna reminded him of Ann, the old cook and took an instant liking to her as she helped him settle into their home. She was the housekeeper, she helped out the doctor who had given her a place to stay when she couldn't aford one of her own. She told him about her life, how she ended up with the doctor, which was easy; Ohno refused to speak. Christin often played inside his room as Ohno looked out the window. She drew him pictures of princes and princesses. Seeing the hope in the little girl’s eyes hurt. He just hoped she wouldn’t fall in love. Because love hurt. 

The first week Ohno barely ate. Just slice of bread in the morning. He was loosing weight fast. The doctor came to see him every day. Sit with him, talk to him about nonsensical things. Showed Ohno his weird inventions. Time trickled by slowly. But the doctor didn’t take things for granted, making and effort to be with Ohno once a day. The first time he saw Ohno smile, he made a vow he would try his best to make him smile at least once every day. It was a day that Sho marked in his diary. The day he had mixed some fluids together which caused an overload of foam and fumes in his study and had kept Anna and the rest scrubbing the floor for the rest of the evening. The scent was sour making it hard to be in the room for long periods. The smile stayed, and Sakurai Sho took secret glances at him. Glanced that were picked up by the two women in the house. 

But as Ohno kept refusing food, Sakurai became a bit on edge. He told Ohno time and time again that not eating was not good, until of course that talking to a person who didn’t respond became pointless and resulted in a screamed outing of frustration. It was a weird thing to fall out at someone who didn’t yell back. Sakurai threw out all that he held inside so far. The fear Ohno might lose his life in his house, the fear of what kind of impact that would have on little Christin, the fear that in the end despite his best he couldn’t save his life. In the end the doctor sat on the ground in Ohno’s bedroom, on his knees, pleading for Ohno to be smart about things, to not throw his life away over a lost love, because surely he could love again, like Sho loved him.

“How can you stand living like this? This is not living what you are doing. Satoshi, you have so much more to offer. So much more to be in life. Why settle to be this shell of a person. You deserve love, you are capable of love. Let me teach you how to trust again. Let me show you how to live again.”  
Ohno stared at the doctor on the floor, in astonishment as the good doctor looked up with teary eyes laying his heart on the line. The openness, the trust that went out of such a confession. Sho took Ohno’s hand and pulled him on to the floor opposite him. The shock in Ohno’s eyes made the doctor smile slightly with a bit of hope as he whispered: “Satoshi, let me be the one to show you how to love again.” 

Nino comes by ever so often as he is allowed. He is the only guy at the farm now and surely he mother should never be alone there. But he comes any way. He is greeted by a cheerful housekeeper and her daughter. Anna fill him in, now that the doctor is away and Ohno is still quiet at the table but with eyes shining like Nino hasn’t seen them do in a long time.  
“You find love in all the weird places!” he comments as he hugs his brother in happiness, “Only you can find love with your mouth shut.” Ohno smiles as Anna laughs with Nino. It feels good to see his little brother. He misses his company now that they haven’t spend a lot of time together. But it is clear to see something is bothering him. Maybe Nino found of love of his own and isn’t sure what to do about it. Maybe their mother is giving him a hard time. Maybe he should return to the farm. Nino’s allowed to stay for a while if he wants; an opportunity he takes with both hands. 

But Nino is giving nothing away that easy. He offers to cook the food this time, since he does this at home now - and after all, he loves cooking with Satoshi. And so they make food preparations. Nino informs him on the state of the farm, on the wellbeing of their mother. And still something that Nino is hiding looms over him. It’s in the way that Nino moves about, it’s in the way that Nino sometimes seems to drift off in his own world. And it drives Ohno nuts.

“What’s wrong?” the first sounds that he utters should not have been directed to Nino. He wanted them to be directed to Sho when he would propose and Ohno would accept using his voice, making it that much more memorable.  
The sound makes Nino quiet as if he knows, as if he knows he ruined something. But he can’t help himself as Nino cries heartbreaking sobs even if he doesn’t want to. He’s longed for someone to understand him for a long time now. He doesn’t want to go back to the farm, back to that awful place. He’s sorry for messing up what ever Ohno had planned. The tears kept coming and Ohno keeps on getting worried more and more. But Nino still doesn’t say anything, just that he’s glad he’s back with Ohno, even if it’s just for a little while.

Nino keeps quiet as Sakurai takes that night to propose and Ohno accepts with a shy ‘yes’ that surprises the whole table. It feels like he cheated his brother out of something precious, even if Ohno tells him it is okay. He tells him that even if Sho would know, he wouldn’t really mind. Because Sakurai is more about the bonds in his family, which extents to Nino now too. Even Jun if he would be there. The wedding invites will included them even if Ohno knows they won’t show up. They muse for a while. Sho stays silent, just hearing the brothers talk with a smile.  
“The sound of your voice. Every syllable sets my heart alight. I thought I would never be able to hear it,” te doctor says when Nino jokingly makes the observation that the doctor isn’t taken part in the conversation, a feat that Sakurai easily sets aside by saying that there will be enough time to talk to his soon to be husband and that the brothers should have some quality time together. Ohno loves him even more for that.

At night the house is alarmed by Nino, who has nightmares. Pretty bad ones. Dreams in which he begs in muffled tones to be left alone. Dreams in which he’s fighting. Dreams that last hours, from which Ohno is unable to wake him. Dreams in which his voice echoes in screams throughout the hallways.

Nino says at breakfast he doesn’t remember. Ohno knows he’s lying. Heck even Sho probably knows he’s lying. The wedding plans commence, and are set with in the week. Ohno doesn’t cook the wedding dinner; Nino and Ohno still know what happened the last time. Even if Ohno is feeling happy of a change, the risk might be too big. The day before the wedding is set Jun and Aiba arrive with Ohno’s mother. The whole family is together again... Nino stays uncharacteristically quiet, their mother doesn’t say much either. She smiles, but Ohno is unsure if it is because he found love, a life without her. It meant he wouldn't move back home. She doesn’t make trouble, however, just helps where she can with the preparation. 

Jun takes Ohno apart late that night. He hugs his brother.  
“I’ve missed you,” he confesses. “I’ve missed all of you.”  
“You shouldn’t have move out then,” Nino retorts over hearing.  
“I don’t blame you for blaming me. But I was jealous. And I had every right to be. I was married to Aiba and still he longed for you. And I thought you’d never get over him. Satoshi. You have to believe me. I never wanted to move out, but you made it so hard for me to stay. So hard to trust the both of you. I kept wondering, when Aiba would disappear at night, if he was looking for you. If he was with you even!” Jun sighed and smiled a bit hesitantly.  
“But now you are going to be married. To a doctor no less. Now I know that what you had was just a fleeting crush, right? You wouldn’t get married otherwise, right? I’ve missed you so much, Satoshi. I’m so happy for you that you found a love of your own! Let’s never be strangers again.” Jun extended his hand to Nino, “You too Kazu. Let’s be close again like we used to be!” Even though Nino went and held his hand, he didn’t look too pleased. Ohno smiled, but his heart wasn't in it. Because what he felt, what he was still feeling for Aiba had never been and never would be just a simple crush. And forgetting about their existence from a long distance was so much easier than to be confronted with him. Even now, Ohno was tempted to… To what? End the marriage before it had begun? Announce his undying love for the husband of his brother? 

In the end it was just better the way it was. Ohno kept quiet and just agreed to keep Jun happy. After all his brother was back in his life and for all that it was worth, he wasn’t sure losing Jun over his love for Aiba was really worth it. But there were glances between them. Silent brooding looks. But Ohno didn’t trust himself and Nino never left his side that night. Jun told them about their troublesome start in their new house. Grinned as he told his two brothers about the wedding night that took place nearly three months after they were actually wed. A thing the two older brothers hadn’t known about. Jun grinned as he joked that Aiba had finally run out of excuses and had no choice but to give in. Ohno didn’t want to imagine that, but the fact that he had given excuses to not sleep with his brother for that long was something that made him smile, even if it shouldn’t. He was getting married in the morning. What the heck was he doing thinking about Aiba? 

The wedding took place outside. A beautiful clear day in June. Ohno pledged his life in the hands of Sakurai, who vowed to protect him forever. To love him for as long as Ohno would have him. To stay by his side and truly be his for all eternity. They kissed, for the first time. And Ohno couldn’t help but think it was nowhere near the kiss he had shared with Aiba. Nowhere near as passionate as it should be. He felt saddened by it just a little. He love Sho, there was no question, no doubt in his mind he didn’t - it just wasn’t as all consuming as his love for Aiba was. But Aiba wasn’t his, nor would he ever be his. He was Jun’s.

Sho and Ohno danced a lot together, as if Sho knew what was happening around him - even if Ohno never breathed a word about the whole thing to him. But they had fun and that was what counted. Sho made it easy to forget about the past. He was easy to love. He was all smiles and truly happy, sweeping Ohno along in his fuzzy warm feelings. He kissed Ohno whenever he saw the chance, whispering sweet nothings against his temple, against his cheek near his ear and against his lips. Promises of the night to come, promises of what their future would hold. He made it seem like nothing could or would ever hurt him. All seemed so right in the world with Sho standing next to him. But Ohno couldn't ignore the feeling of Aiba looming in the background watching them.

As most of the guests took their leave a little after midnight, Jun was hanging around Nino, talking to Sho, holding on to Anna's daughter who had taken a very peculiar liking to the youngest brother. Anna was busy in the kitchen with Ohno’s mum. The three of them were already cleaning up little by little. As Ohno brought in dishes from around the house, he was grabbed by Aiba and dragged into a small drawing room, pressed up against the door, mouth covered by Aiba’s lips. There was no escaping them.  
As the initial shock wore of, there was not enough fight left in Ohno to fight of this sort of action. He had longed for those lips to be back against his.  
“You belong to me,” Aiba mumbled kissing Ohno over and over, letting his hands roam over his body. “I can’t stand that he’s kissing you in front of me.” It occurred to Ohno that Aiba was jealous. Well, welcome to the club. He wanted to say the words, but they stuck inside his head. Aiba pulled the dress shirt up, letting his hands touch Ohno’s skin in a way he hadn’t been touched before.  
“I don’t care that you are married to him. You are mine. You know you are. I can feel it.” The words only made things worse. Because Ohno was married! So what was he doing with Aiba, when it was almost time to go to bed with the guy he was married to. But Aiba didn’t let go. Palmed his growing desire through his pants. It was bitter sweet; sweet in the fact that this was Aiba, the love of his life - Aiba who had meant to share his life with - and bitter because surely this was cheating. The soft sob that left his lips was caught by his brother's husband. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”  
“What do you expect? Masaki, I’m married now. We can’t do this! This is so wrong!”  
“We can. Because we love each other.”  
“This isn’t the right. You know it isn't.” 

Aiba let his head rest against Ohno’s for a moment. His breath was erratic, but his fingers were still playing, still tracing the outline of his deepest craving for Aiba.  
“We could … kill them all.” The words hung in the air. “You could cook something and by tomorrow night, we’d be alone. We’d be together.”  
The thought was dangerous; the outcome what they both wanted. It was easy to go along with it, to play with the thought. Aiba’s hands working magic, making it hard to remember what was right. His breath sweet on wine, warm in his neck, upon his skin. His shirt was pulled up, his trousers opened.  
“You want me. More than you want him.” It was a statement. There was no denying it even if Ohno wanted to. “I want you so badly, Satoshi. Let me be your first. Let me take your virginity.”  
“You can’t,” Ohno huffed, “He will know.” Those were definitely the wrong words. And somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it. But this might be the only chance he would even have.  
“I don’t have to fuck you to take your virginity,” Aiba mumbled exposing Ohno's hard flesh. He was the first to see him that way, the first to taste him that way. The touching, the rubbing over his sensitive skin, the heat inside Aiba’s mouth, the wetness, the sounds escaping them. Ohno lost the sense of time, swept up in the emotions and sensations shooting through his body. The creeping touch of Aiba’s fingers moving up to cup both the cheeks of his behind. The sneaking fingers lingering around his entrance, one of them pushing gently in. It hurt a little. But it felt good too. He could hear Aiba telling him to relax, which wasn’t so easy. He was cheating on the doctor he was married to. He was doing things that Sho should have to privilege to try with him first.

“Let go, Satoshi. Let me be the first to taste you. No one will know.” But that wasn’t so easy with the guilt rising. Aiba spurred him on, “I love you. I will always love you.” Words, just words. But they triggered every hidden feeling in one go. Aiba truly loved him. The overload of that, of what Aiba was doing to his body caused him to spill and Aiba swallowed it all. Ohno was quivering, trying to stay upright, but failing. Aiba kept him standing, kissing him again. He could taste and smell his own fluids on Aiba’s tongue as he dressed him up again and making him look presentable.  
“Don’t you look all fine again... Just like nothing happened,"he mumble to Ohno's lips. 

He left him there. With wild beating heart, the guilt effectively washing away the euphory Ohno was feeling. Left on his own, he was wondering and growing desperate how he could ever face Sho. He didn’t really like secrets, but this… This he should to his grave. Instead of killing as Aiba - hopefully jokingly - had suggested, he felt like he deserved to die.  
It was Nino who found him, rolled up behind the door of the drawing room.  
“What did you do?” The question was posed as it was. No question about his wellbeing, or what had happened. One look and Nino could tell.

“I will kill him for this! You need to stop this, Satoshi. You are destroying everything. Sho doesn’t deserve this. You don’t deserve the mess you are making. You need to stop.” There was a stern but somewhat dangerous note to his voice. Ohno teared up with the guilt, “We need to send them away. And never see them again.” With everything Nino laid out in the open Ohno just cried more, because Nino was right. He would never be able to fend of Aiba, to say no to him. He was destructive to Ohno. Had made him cheat on his husband, made him cheat on his own brother. In what universe could this ever be right?  
“But first we need to get you cleaned up. Sho’s been looking for you, you know. I can’t believe you let this happened. Well, actually I can, but the timing is awful. What the hell were you thinking? God, you are the oldest of us, but you sure aren’t acting like my oldest brother at all! Come on. Let’s get you to bed; I’ll deal with the rest.”

Nino helped him clean up and in bed, telling Anna that Ohno had drank too much and was really sick. Of course that send Sho running into the room when he heard, followed by the rest of the family. Nino threw Aiba a glance that meant his days were definitely numbered. The smirk as he leaned and gazed at Ohno was just enough to drive him to go seek out the sharpest kitchen knife.  
Sho sat by Ohno’s side on the bed as Anna and Nino worked to get everyone out of the room. After all this was also their wedding night, no need to eavesdrop. If Sho had seen the exchange of glances between the two brothers and Aiba he didn’t let on. Nino wondered if he was choosing to ignore it, or just didn’t notice it at all. Ohno had turned around in bed, hidden his face against Sho’s who at that point was lying beside him, talking softly to his slightly older husband.  
“I will kill you, if you mess this up. I will bury you and no one will ever know what happened!” The words were silently hissed as Nino shoved Aiba out of his way, locking the door behind him. Jun stood beside them looking a bit funny.  
“Something wrong?”  
“Not really,”Nino lied effortless, “Just that your husband thought it might be funny to start a drinking game. And this is the result; Ohno’s sick on his wedding night.’ He walked away, letting Jun figure the meaning of the words out on his own. 

“Are you okay?” The doctor tried to get some room between them, but Ohno held on tight to him, hoping that his sins would be cleansed somehow.  
“Don’t leave me,” he mumbled. He could feel and hear Sho’s breathless laugh.  
“Wasn’t planning on it.”  
“I’m not sick; I just needed some time on my own. I’m glad I married you.” The words are spoken equally breathless. The were replied by Sho kissing him. It hurt that first true kiss now that they were alon. It hurt but not in the physical way, it was hurting mentally. Ohno wondered of Sho could taste Aiba previous kiss, could taste what had happened. The guilt was consuming, making him shed hot tears due to so many negative emotions. Maybe this was Aiba’s revenge; to make the night unbearable, to remind him that Sho was not Aiba.  
“You are not well, Satoshi. I don’t mind waiting.”  
“But I do. I’m perfectly fine. Please, make love to me.”

After the night had passed, the morning sun stood high in the sky, Nino brought them breakfast in bed. He told them that Jun and Aiba had requested to stay a little longer. It was mostly the request coming from Jun who had missed the company of his brothers. Before Ohno could refuse Sho had granted his permission. Nino looked grave as he eyed Ohno. Wordlessly saying that nothing good would come of them staying. Ohno already knew as much. But this was the kind of person Sho was. Because family mattered.

Ohno avoided Aiba wherever he could. But there was no hiding from it. The suggestions coming from Aiba would remind him of their time together, of his mistakes. The guilt blazing white hot against whatever sound judgement was left. Everything Ohno tried to cook over the course of the following week, got spoiled before reaching the table. The guilt oozing from Ohno into everything he touched. Anna banned him from the kitchen without knowing what was wrong. Jun questioned if Ohno was alright. Their mother kept asking asking as well if something was amiss. Nino knew, of course. And Aiba just smiled vindictively. 

After a week the family left, leaving the newlyweds to their own. Ohno did his best to be cheery. To not let the whole situation get to him. After all they were gone and now was the time to really get used to living with Sho, who was attentive and treated him with the respect he deserved. But Ohno didn’t think he deserved any of it. It began eating away at him. He became snappish at Sho’s advances.

In the end Ohno couldn’t take it anymore. Overcome with grief he took matters into his own hands. He barred the bathroom door, ran the tub with hot water. Not even taking off his clothes he sat in the water scorching his flesh. The tears of sorrow burning, spilling. For whatever reason, Sho knew something was wrong. He’d never said anything. But he somehow knew it was bad. He had made it a point to not let Ohno disappear from his sight. And now he was pounding on the barricade door. Calls of desperation for Ohno to let him in. Ohno sobs echoing in the small room as he sliced his wrists, repeating how sorry he was. They they shouldn’t have married. Ohno lost consciousness listening to the sounds of Sho trying to break down the bathroom door. That’s what you get for building a stone house. Sturdy doors. He never should’ve fallen for Aiba. Living this way was not worth living at all.

Ohno woke up groggily minded. The haze was heavy on his mind. He felt weird like he body couldn’t move on it’s own. He heard the voice of someone really young. He tried to move his head in the direction but he couldn’t move one muscle. He listened to the voice telling him about princes and princesses. He heard he tell the story and how they all lived happily ever after. Ohno decided he must have ended up on hell.

He drifted in and out of consciousness. Echoing voices drifted in and out of his awareness but Ohno couldn’t grasp the reality of when he was actually awake. Hell seemed to be too bright when he could open his eyes. Blurry images moving about. The voice he kept hearing soothing, a hand running through his hair at times. It felt a bit like bliss for a while. It didn’t last long. When he was able to focus, he saw bandages bringing all the bad things back sending him in a panicked frenzy. A frenzy that didn’t last long as a hand covered his mouth and forced him to breathe in a horrible scent that drowned his spirits. 

When he awoke he couldn’t move, but this time the reason was that he was restrained.  
“About time you woke up.” The soothing voice belonging to Sho drifted from the window to his ears. The doctor sat there, not coming closer, just taking in Ohno. Sho lost weight, Ohno noticed right away. He didn’t look like he slept well. “You scared the hell out of me, do you know that? I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but it’s obviously life threatening.” The doctor stopped talking, glanced out of the window and continued looking elsewhere, and still not inquiring to how Ohno was feeling. “But you know what really kills me? That’s the fact you couldn’t trust me with what you are hiding. That you rather choose the most rotten way in the world to die, rather than trust me with you problems. I thought we were equals, I thought we had the kind of relationship where we could talk about stuff. Why would you settle to marry me if I drive you to commit suicide?”

Ohno took the words, painfully aware that Sho was blaming noone but himself.  
“You don’t drive me to _”  
“Lair. Don’t lie to me. I don’t deserve that.”  
“I’m not lying, Sho.”  
“Then what is it? You miss your family? You didn’t seem to miss them before. I don’t get what happened. You were fine before the marriage! You had me convinced you loved me. Had me convinced it would work between us.” The words were edged in hurt and rejection. “Is there something I should have done? Is it something I haven’t done?” 

Ohno had no words for this. How could he explain on top of those words what he held hidden? That he loved someone else. Some one that was not good for him, but some one he could forget.  
“You are entitled to your silence. I won’t pressure you into talking. Just know that I won’t allow any more of this wacked up stuff. You want to kill yourself? Fine, but at least grow a pair of balls and tell me straight up this isn’t working between us. You tell me why, you better give me a reason. Because I will keep you alive even if I have to chain you to this bed!”  
The words sounded harsh, but the tears were ones of grievance, they mirrored the ones Ohno was spilling.

“Don’t cry. I don’t like it when you cry. I can take your silence but not your tears.” Sho went up to the bed to sit beside Ohno. “Swear you will tell me what is going on. Maybe not now, or tomorrow. But soon. I can’t stand that you are in so much pain and I can’t help you.” He touched his face, brushed the tears away. Ohno nodded. Seeing the relief in his eyes was definitely worth it.  
“I promise. But you will hate me for it.” Sho shook his head against Ohno’s. I will never hate you. Ohno sniffled. If only he could believe that.

A week passed in which Sho and Ohno lived together, but not quite like husbands should. There was a distance that didn’t want to be crossed. Ohno grew stronger, searching for ways to tell Sho… well, to tell him everything. Sho gained a little weight. Ohno teased him with it, pinching his cheeks, still waiting for the right time. It didn’t seem to want to come. And Ohno seemed to realise there were no good moments tell someone that their life was about to fall apart. So Ohno choose the moment after dinner, when the curtains were drawn, shielding them from the outside world. Ohno was about to ruin both their lives.

“I’m guessing since you’re sitting all the way over there,” Sho indicated to the armchair in the part of the room they never really sat, “That you want to talk. Is it necessary that there is this distance between us? Or do you think you’ll be safer there than here next to me?”  
“I’m afraid,” Ohno said admittingly, “What I’m going to tell you… It’s not a good story. I’m afraid you will hate me. At least from here I won’t really see the look in your eyes when … you discover what it is you are married to.”  
“You’re referring to yourself as a monster? Please, sit with me? I promise you’ll be perfectly safe.” Marriage was about trust, and Ohno still trusted Sho. He took up the space on the couch and Sho handed him a blanket he wrapped round him for support. It were things like these that Ohno felt like he had not right to anymore. This might be the last time he ever could enjoy it.

Ohno started the story from the beginning. From the moment he met Aiba, to the marriage of him and Jun. And as the story progressed Ohno could watch the look of disbelieve on Sho’s face. It became harder to voice out his mistakes, his voice being guilt ridden, as he explained what had happened on their wedding day. He paused a little before owning up to the guilt, how it was all-powerful until he couldn’t face it anymore.  
Through the whole story Sho sat quietly with a hum here and there. He became eerily quiet from the moment Ohno was telling him what had happened before the doctor had taken him away. And now that Ohno was done, the silence felt suffocating. It was the confirmation that he had wracked their lives. He should be feeling relieve now that it was out in the open. Ohno waited for Sho to react, either punch him in the face, or yelling he never wanted to see him again. Nothing happened. He just stood up and walked away leaving Ohno behind on the couch wrapped up in his blanket with the tears spilling. It was over. 

Sho left the house and didn’t return until the following morning. Ohno had waited, already packed his little belongings. Sho frowned at the small suitcase.  
“Where are you going?” Ohno frowned at that in return.  
“Are you not sending me away?”  
Sho sat Ohno down at the breakfast table. “You need to stop making my decision for me. Of course I’m not sending you away.” Ohno’s frown only got deeper.  
“But -”  
“Do you love me?”  
“Eh?” The question surprised Ohno.  
“Yes, of course.”  
“I’ve known I wasn’t your first love. I’ve known that you loved someone else from the moment I collected you from your farm. And I do truly deeply love you, Satoshi.” The tears came again. There was no defence against such words  
“But you will never be my first choice. There will always be him. How can you stand that? How can you stand to be around me, knowing that you will never be my true love?”  
“Because I love you. And I trust you.”  
“But I’m not to be trusted! Don't you see? As long as he is around I’m not to be trusted!” Ohno was standing, arms flailing in desperation.  
“Satoshi, I love you. I don’t mind sharing you.”

Ohno looked dumbfounded. “I don’t want to be shared!”  
“Then be mine! Then, never leave my sight if they are around. And just be honest. And if he drives you crazy, take me to the bedroom. I don’t care if you pretend it’s him.”  
“How can you even stand to say such things? Can’t you see that this is not healthy?”  
“Can’t you see I love you that much?”  
“Can’t you see I don’t deserve that?” Sho sighed at last to Ohno words, rubbing the temples on his head.  
“This is getting us nowhere. Why don’t you deserve me?” Ohno could list a good number of reasons. Even before Ohno could voice one Sho continued, “Because, maybe from where I’m standing I am exactly what you deserve. Why is it so hard to believe I am in love with you? That I’m willing to put up with your crazy ass love for another guy?”  
“Such guys doesn’t exist,” mumbled Ohno taking a seat again. “I’ll make you unhappy if you stay with me.”  
Sho smiled, clutching Ohno hands in his, thumbs circling the bandaids. “You can try. In every argument you never once actually said you don’t want me in you life. And if you are worried about me, don’t. I won’t let you hurt me all that easy. I’ll put up a fight. And I’ll do everything in my power to keep you by my side.”

Ohno closed the small space between them, leaned in a little as he kissed Sho’s lips, touch by the unexpectedness of Sho devotion to him. He couldn’t make promises, Sho didn’t asked for any. If this was the way things could work out, then maybe he could have both. Would he be foolish enough to believe in a happy end? Perhaps he would.

As long as it was just the two of them in their little house, things seemed fine once again. After this morning, they spend a good amount of time together. Talking, going out for walks, stuff that lovers do. Ohno started cooking again, started to feel normal again. It took him some time to get rid of the fact he was not to be trusted. Sho had a little trouble letting him out of his sight for a while, just adding to that exact feeling. But they grew closer, Ono prefered the term stronger. That was until they received word from Nino that their mother had fallen ill. 

The farm was just as Ohno had left it. Nino had taken the responsibility of taking care of the farm as he noticed their mother’s health getting less and less. Jun sat silently at on side of the bed, Ohno had taken the other. Even if their mother had been more or less horrible, she was still theirs. Jun had clutched her hand in his, sobbing through the motions of grieving. Ohno was just quietly watching. Nino stood between the brother at the foot end, already used to the sight of his mother dying. She didn’t respond much, something Sho acknowledged as he examined her. He didn’t have to, but as a doctor he couldn’t fight the urge to see if there was anything that could be done. There was soft talk if they should tried to extend her life, but Nino was against it. It was against her wishes. And so this visit turned into a waiting game.

Aiba was looming in the background. Constantly watching. Ohno was aware of it - it was hard to ignore the undertones in which he was speaking. Suggestively, as if there was some big secret between them. He didn’t even try to hide it when Jun was present. Jun didn’t really noticed, or chose to ignore it. Ohno was aware of Sho’s presence. He held true to his word; never letting the two of them alone.  
Ohno was torn. Aiba looked good, Jun had taken good care of him. The side of him was like wanting to taste forbidden fruit. But he belonged to Sho. In the three days that they were there at the farm Aiba must have noticed there was no chance of getting to talk to Ohno alone. What followed were snide remarks of Sho being Ohno’s shadow; that Sho didn’t allow Ohno any freedom; that perhaps Sho was very possessive and didn’t trust Ohno. The whole situation was weird. Sho hardly responded to these snide commentaries. Ohno kept quiet as well, which Aiba only used against them. Because see, how Ohno was forbidden to answer? Surely that didn’t bode well for poor Satoshi. 

But if Aiba couldn’t get Ohno alone, then he took the best next thing.  
“What’s going on with your brother?”  
Nino looked a bit groggily towards the door. At nearly 5am in the morning, surely his brother in law had something better to do? - like sleep or screw over Jun or something.  
“What’s wrong with you?” Nino retorted, “Can’t you see she’s dying?” He pointed to his mother.  
“She’s been this way since we got here. She won’t mind if we talk about your brother.” Nino’s glare was hard.  
“I mind! Get out!”  
“Aren’t you in the least bit concerned about your brother?”  
“I’ll be concerned when there is a reason to be! Now is not the time! Get out!”

“What’s going on?” Sho stood behind Aiba in nothing but slacks, bare feet, looking tired.  
“Nothing,” both men replied. Sho sighed. “Don’t give me that crap. Is he bothering you, little brother?” Nino nodded, half a smirk on his lips. The endearment was sudden and unexpected, but it made it all the more clear on which side Sho was stand.  
Sho took Aiba’s arm and pulled him out of the room, closing the door.  
“I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you.”  
“Oh,” Aiba replied dryly, “Scary.” Sho looked up at the slightly taller guy with an unamused look in his eyes. “What is your problem? Is Jun not giving you enough attention?”  
“Keep Jun out of this. He’s got nothing to do with this.”  
Sho raised an eyebrow. “Doesn’t he? You’ve been making every one here extremely uncomfortable. Jun’s upset, Nino’s doing the best he can, and you keep harassing my husband.”  
“I’m not.”  
“Yes you are. All these statements on me being a control freak, not allowing Ohno any room to breathe. You’ve been trying to get between us and under our skin since we got here. And I need it to stop.”  
Aiba huffed at that looking not impressed. “Do you now. Are you afraid your husband will cave if he’s alone with me?”  
“I’m very certain of it.” That at least surprised the other. “But you seem unaware of the kind of relationship we have. I know what happened on the eve of my wedding. I know what kind oyu history you two share.”  
“Are you threatened by my presence, Sho-chan?” Sho raised an eyebrow at that in a mocking way, “Are you sure you can handle Satoshi running into my bedroom?”  
“Let me put it in a way you can understand. If you touch, or even so much as breathe on Satoshi, I will personally kill you.” Aiba didn’t look impressed and Sho continued, “As a physician I know every part of the body that is bound to hurt and will kill you in a very slow way. I have poisons in my possession which I took with me. You touch my husband, you are a dead man.”  
“What if your husband comes running to me? Surely that’s not my fault if that were to happen.”  
“Masaki, you are married to my husbands brother. Surely that means something to you! Surely Jun makes you happy, or else you wouldn’t have stayed.” Aiba shrugged as he took his leave, having enough of this conversation. “Again, Jun’s not part of this conversation. He’s happy as things are. He doesn’t mind.”  
As he left Jun emerged from the opposite room in the hallway looking at Sho with an expressionless, but very pale face. “I told you, didn’t I?” was Sho’s only comment.

A week later their mother passed away. It had been a turbulent week in which Sho told Ohno what had happened and what he had said to Aiba, minus the part where Jun had overheard the conversation. Ohno felt like he was tested as Sho also announced that he would leave him to his own devices instead of being his ‘shadow’ as Aiba had put it. Meaning that if he went along with Aiba or his advances he would endanger his life. Sho watched from a distance, also noticing Jun doing the same. There was a small nagging feeling that this could backfire; Jun could point to Ohno as the troublemaker, seducing his husband. But Jun didn’t do anything. 

The funeral was quick. Not a lot of people came. Nino was hesitant around them, something the brothers picked up on quite fast. Around certain guests he was trembling; he shook hands because it was obligated but something was way off. Ohno told the guests there was no coffee or get together in their house. They would like to be alone as a family, obligations be damned.  
With their mother gone, it seemed part of Nino was falling to pieces. It wasn’t that he cried, but he wasn’t coherent. He sometimes just laughed out of nowhere, mumbling how funning this all was. How their family was falling to pieces. How this all was a trainwreck waiting to happen.  
Then Nino stopped laughing in that high pitch. And told them in a soft voice what had happened when it had just been the two of them at the farm. And exactly how their mother had made ends meet. And what horrors awaited him at night with their mother’s overnight guests. He told them it was a fate that should have fallen on Ohno. But he was the only one left. After that Nino stopped talking.

The tragedy that had befallen the family would not be mentioned in the headline of the local newspaper. Just that the family of three brothers and their spouses died in the fire that had set the farm in flames. The story that was printed were rumours of locals who claimed to know the family, though no names were mentioned. The cause of the fire could not be traced by the firemen and what happened would remain shrouded in mystery.

Nino held the newspaper in view of his brother’s eyes.  
“I bet it was the secret lover!” he said. Ohno watched the paper Nino was swinging around.  
“You shouldn’t read that. There was no fire, we’d know by now.” He squinted a little, thinking it over. “I bet it was the brother who was betrayed, though.”  
“Probably the wacky brother. Clearly he was losing his marbles. Or maybe it was their mom’s ghost, not wanting to leave them behind,” Jun mentioned, smirking, looking up from peeling his share of potatoes.  
“Maybe it was just an accident,” Nino mused staring out the window in thought, a funny feeling of deja vu crawling up his spine.  
“Get back to work! There’s more to be done! Hurry up, the lot of you! And Nino, How many time do I need to tell you not to bring this crap in here!” She took the paper and tossed it in the fire of the hearth. 

Their mother didn’t allow much. There wasn’t much fun to be had, unless they made it happen themselves...


End file.
